I want to say a few words about words. First, let me give you some background. I grew up in a small southern town among people who saw no wrong in using curse words (or ‘cuss’ words as we referred to them). I have played sports, which meant I spent time in locker rooms. I served eight years in the military. I doubt seriously there’s a curse word I haven’t heard. And for the record, yes, there have been times in my life when I have said a few choice ones myself, so this is no snotty, look-down-my-nose commentary on anybody.
Still. A lot of modern-day conversation just needs a good scrubbing. It’s coarse, filthy and offensive. But mostly it’s unnecessary.
My mother once heard me say some off-color word, and this was a woman who could use an off-color word with the best of them. But in many ways I think she wanted me to rise a bit above the rest, including herself. Her best shot at my language was something like this: “If that’s the best you can do, then your vocabulary is really poor, isn’t it?” I won’t say that comment magically cured my language, but I’ve never forgotten what she said, and I think she’s right.
I’ve tried to understand why people insist on using foul language. I think I can understand the expletive uttered when smacking one’s thumb with a hammer. But I don’t understand the flood of cursing that occurs in normal, daily conversation. Trying to be fair, I did a little reading and research to see if anybody has a good explanation.
Behold! It seems there have been studies on this phenomenon and there are some suggestions as to why people swear. Whether these are all legitimate remains to be seen, but I offer some of the more salient ideas.
John Grohol quotes Timothy Jay from his article, The utility and ubiquity of taboo words. Perspectives on Psychological Science
“Swearing is like using the horn on your car, which can be used to signify a number of emotions (e.g., anger, frustration, joy, surprise).”
That’s a great analogy, because it helps explain why, to me, this problem is so bothersome. Car horns are important and useful instruments. They can prevent accidents, wake up a sleepy driver in front of you at a traffic light, or move a dog off the road. Car horns have kept people from being killed by trucks and automobiles. But none of us would want people to drive around tooting horns everywhere they go. In the long run, it would probably eliminate the value of a good car horn.
Grohol also says,
“Taboo words can be used for a variety of reasons, including to achieve a specific reaction from others. Swearing injects a direct, succinct emotional component into the discussion, usually in order to express frustration, anger or surprise (up to two-thirds of our swearing is for just such expressions).
There are the words that wrap up the more basic reasons people curse. “Frustration, anger, surprise” are the key ideas, and likely, some form of anger is at the heart of a great deal, if not most, cursing. But that does not seem to explain the abundance of curse words injected into the normal, everyday conversation.
Carol Bartz, former Chief Executive at Yahoo, Inc. provides a clue:
“Four-letter words language show passion and commitment.”
At least that’s her explanation. However, now that she’s no longer with Yahoo, Inc., she offers a bit of remorseful reflection, and says she wishes she would have done one thing differently.
“I probably wouldn’t have said the F-word,”
Though I didn’t read anyone who made this suggestion, I think it’s entirely possible that people use curse words because it’s one way to connect socially with friends. After all, most people tend to be lemmings in a lot of ways, so cursing simply becomes one of the ways we speak. There’s no real reason for it. Nobody is necessarily angry, frustrated, joyful or surprised. There’s no need to demonstrate passion or commitment about anything. They’re just talking. And using filthy words. Blowing a horn unnecessarily.
Mike Myatt Chief Executive Officer of N2growth wrote an excellent article rebutting all the supposed good reasons for including swear words in your conversation. He was writing mainly about the business world, but what he notes has great application more broadly. Myatt writes,
“If you can’t motivate a team, dissolve tension or win over an audience without cursing, then I would suggest your toolbox might be a bit light. Call me old school if you will, but I don’t buy any of the aforementioned arguments as legitimate in supporting the use of indiscreet, inappropriate, and unprofessional language.”
You see, Mike Myatt and my mother have very similar ideas. Mom said, “. . . your vocabulary is really poor, isn’t it?” and Myatt said, “. . . your toolbox might be a bit light.”
Myatt also offered a few words about the other people in the world who might be subject to your vocabulary. It’s really a plea for people to be considerate, an idea that fewer and fewer people seem to think about.
“Stop for a moment and consider this – even if you don’t feel the use of profanity is offensive, I guarantee you someone within earshot definitely does. So my question is this: is it more important to you to exercise your personal discretion (indiscretion??), or to exercise consideration for others? Here’s the cold hard truth – if you think your profanity isn’t offending anyone, you’re just plain wrong. It’s not a matter of whether or not I can handle it, because trust me when I tell you I’ve heard it all before, but why should my wife, daughter, mother, etc. have to endure it?”
Myatt saves his strongest punch for his explanation of why many people use profanity. The reason this is important is that it’s from a business leader, not a preacher. This is from a man who might give you a job, not a sermon. Not that the sermon is unimportant, but sometimes the very fact that these things do not come from preachers makes the point even more strongly.
“. . . experience has shown me the use of profanity typically boils down to an individual being guilty of having one or more of the following flaws:
- Lack of Intelligence: The English language offers us the choice of so many wonderful adjectives, analogies, abilities to paint word pictures and to use a variety of other descriptors, such that there is no need to substitute with expletives. The insertion of a four letter word for “emphasis” usually only points out the speaker lacks command of his/her vocabulary. Nothing flashes “stupid” like the use of profanity. Don’t make the mistake of appearing to be uneducated if you’re not.
- Laziness: We have all met bright people who swear. This usually means they either think they’re smarter than everyone else so people will put up with their use of profanity, or they have just fallen into a rut and are too lazy to work on improving their verbal communication skills. Either scenario is a negative label professionals should not desire to be tagged with.
- Poor Anger Management: People who are not quick on their feet, or do not possess adequate conflict resolution skills, often revert to profanity as a safety net of sorts. If all else fails, people who fall into this category resort to attempting to intimidate the other party with the use of profanity (see # 4 below). People identified as having anger management issues typically don’t reach their full potential without learning better skills. If you would rather spend your career advancing in the ranks, as opposed to spending time in counseling or coaching sessions, lose the profanity.
- Insecurity: People who lack confidence in themselves and/or their abilities often try to bolster other people’s perception of them by using off-color language as an attempt to feign strength and power. Here’s a tip…it doesn’t work. Profanity won’t intimidate anyone (at least not any worthy opponent), and will likely only lessen your image with the audience you are so desperately trying to impress.
- Socially Inappropriate Behavior: The show off, ego-maniac, substance abuser, the female trying to be “one of the boys” or the wannabe comedian are all examples of socially inappropriate behavior, which often times results in the use of profanity. Nobody likes a show-off, substance abuse is never a good thing, most people don’t find it appealing to associate with women who curse like the proverbial drunken sailor, and inappropriate jokes are more likely to get you a sexual harassment charge than a laugh. Even if you do elicit a brief chortle from your audience, they will likely not be left with the impression you were hoping for. Here’s a Myattism for you: “when in doubt, remember vulgarity doesn’t add value.”
Fredrik Joelving wrapped up an article on this topic with the following observation. This is especially good for those who insist that they need to vent, to handle their anger or frustration, or some other supposedly productive reason for swearing.
“There is a catch, though: The more we swear, the less emotionally potent the words become. . . And without emotion, all that is left of a swearword is the word itself, unlikely to soothe anyone’s pain.”
Do yourself, and everyone around you, a favor if off-color language is your standard fare. God wash out your mouth with some good soap. Clean it up. If you need anger management skills, you can get them without subjecting everyone around you to unnecessary filth. You will be a better person when your words do not unnecessarily offend, insult, or shock.
Bill Denton Speaking Out! 